C.R.U.S.H.

C.R.U.S.H.

I finally had some time off from the tour that was going on. As tired as I was I rushed to my room to dive in my bed. But once I walked in I saw a few bags by my nightstand, noticing it was fan mail- I thought to myself I should read some...I owe it to my fans. I'm really dedicated to my fans and my career. So I grabbed one of the bags and went to my desk-sitting on the computer chair. As I sat there reading, I couldn't help but to think how sweet these girls are, it makes me feel great knowing they love me. Makes me feel like I'm doing my job right. And alot of times that is a much greater gift than money.....An hour went past and I felt my eyes drop, but before finally going to bed I decided to read one more letter...I picked up a scented letter, like she lightly sprayed perfume on the envelope. She had neatly written everything in cursive. And on the back on the envelope, she sealed it with a kiss. Which I thought was a nice touch, looked like she had big lips too...lol. Once I opened it, there wasn't much she wrote; which made me happy cause I was sleepy and wanted so badly to go to bed. It read::

Chris,

I have loved you since day one. I am your number 1 fan. You're are such an inspiration to me and you brighten my day every time I see your face. You're my dream guy. I love you....

Yours Truly,
C.R.U.S.H.


So little words, but it said so much. Made me feel mad special. I planned on writing her back. But the thing that stomped me was why did she address herself as C.R.U.S.H.?....I like a little mystery in my girl but this had me straight curious. Yeah....I'mma write her back.

A week has gone past and I'm back on the road. Been pretty busy, especially trying to promote my new album. Man...I thought promoting my first album was rough but the second is harder. Because I'm already in the game, now I need to prove I'm good enough to stay. Ya know. Make a name for myself. Too many times I been compared to Usher and Omarion, along with other artists. And as much as I said I felt honored being compared to them with my every move on camera, off camera: It annoyed the hell out of me. It annoys me reguardless but on camera I have to keep my cool. And I have, mainly because Tina and my mom advised me to. I swear those two women keep my life balenced. I thank God for them everyday.....


Anyway, I haven't wrote back "C.R.U.S.H." either. Besides the fact of me being busy- I didn't want to come off as desperate....I haven't told anyone about her. Especially my momma and Tina, if they knew- they'd do everything in their power to keep me from writing her or ever getting in touch with her. Mama Joyce is not too kein on me dating "little groupies" as she calls them, because she feels they're only using me for my money and claiming me based on who I am. I remember at my 18th birthday bash last month there was this girl that tried to holla at me. Nice looking girl, she reminded me of Jennifer Freeman; just shorter and she had honey blonde hair. I was listening to her talk, being polite- she told me she was feeling me and she mentioned how she could be a great asset to me. She had a good game. But before I knew anything my mom came out of nowhere and dragged me away from her, saying it was time to open presents..as we walked away she gave the girl a cold look. The girl walked away, I felt bad for her. But even if my mother didn't come in like kryptonite and pulled me away; I would'nt have talked to her no deeper than that no way. She was too aggressive, I mean I like aggressive females but she was too much. She seemed like she wanted it bad and would give in easily. I like to do the chasing....and well I'm pretty sure if I said lets go back to my hotel room- she'd asked when. I can't stand groupies.....I love my fans but I choose not to fool with those type of girls; The ghetto girls that are so quick to fight, the ones who put on a front for my momma and the public but act different with me, etc..Ugh, can't stand it.

---The concert was over, I was headed backstage and bumped into Bow.

"Whats up man." I said as I greeted Bow with dap.

"Shit brown boy, whats good with you?" He said out of breathe, greeting me back.

"Man...nothing, just to promote this album. Being on this tour, working on more songs and beats." I said proudly.

"You one dedicated nigga." He said while he let out a laugh.

I laughed.

"Yeah. I am." I paused. "Nigga, where your ass been anyway?"

He looked down and laughed. Then he looked around before speaking.

"I um..." He smiled again. "I was with a little breezy..."

I looked at him.

"With who?" I said curious.

"Some girl I met in Columbus when I did a mini concert with my new group I'm promoting; 614 Boyz." He replied.

"Some girl?" I looked like wow, you fucked someone and don't know their name.

"Yeah..Uhh, her name is Blair." Unsurely he said.

"Blair?...You sure?" I said laughing because I knew he wasn't himself.

"Shut up nigga, thats her name." He said assured this time.

"Uh huh...So how old is she?" Curious again, I asked.

He mumbled out. "16" Then he looked down.

"16?!...Nigga is you crazy?...Your ass is 20, what the fuck you look like fuckin` a youngin?" I said starting to get mad.

"Do you want to be any louder?" He responded looking at me like he wanted to beat my ass.

"Yo ass gon get a case like Akon." I said looking him like I wish you would throw a punch, I will mop yo little ass on the floor.

"No..Im not. We weren't in front of no one. It's gone be coo. She told me she wasn't gone tell nobody." He assured me.

"And you believed her?...Nigga the media would have a field day if they found out." I replied trying to assure him.

"But they won't." He looked at me with that you better not say nothing look.

"I won't." I responsed and paused. "So how was it?" We both busted out laughing.

"Loose." He said disappointed. "Damn shame."

I shook my head laughing.

"So what about you lover boy?...I know you met you someone inbetween the last time I saw you." He just looked at me waiting for me to say something.

"Naw.." He looked me knowing I was lying.

"Come on, as much as ladies throw their panties on stage for you....You ain't meet no one?" He raised his eyebrow...waiting for me to lie again.

"It ain't all about the panties." I replied.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit." He said smiling. I laughed.

"Okay..okay...I did meet someone." I let out in a sigh.

"I knew it!" He said excited waiting for me to continue.

"Yeah." Was all I said.

"Well whats her name? How old is she? What she look like? Got a fat ass? Can she fuck? She got friends? Where she live at? She live alone?" He kept coming with the questions but I cut him off.

"Woah...Woah...Woah...McGruff The crime dogg. Whats with the 3rd degree? Thristy much?" I said laughing.

"Oh my bad man." He laughed. "Its just been a good minute since I had good pussy, I got excited." I laughed at him, he was too serious with his words. "Okay though but who is she?" He said curious.

"C.R.U.S.H." I said looking at him. I knew he was gon say something smart.

"Crush???....What the fuck?...She must be a fat bitch." I knew it! Bow is a fool, he let anything come out his damn mouth, I couldnt help but to laugh.

"Be nice nigga." I said smiling, but then I thought about it....she might be.

"Told you." He said laughing noticing my facial expression changed.

"Shut up." I said laughing. "So how you meet her?" Bow just looked at me. "I techinally ain't meet her yet...I read her fan letter." I said. "You gone write her back?" He said anxious. "I was thinking about it." I said comtemplating on if I should now or not. "Do it...and tell her to send a picture." He said. "You sure?" I said unsure. He nodded his head. "And if she's a disappointment, you can easily sue her." He stated. "For what?" I slightly laughed. "For being a fat ugly bitch." That was mean as hell but I found myself laughing anyway...Bow had issues.

I'm gone write her once I got home.

After goofing around with Bow backstage for awhile about an hour later I got in my Land Rover and headed back to my hotel room. I was really tired but I did say I was going to write C.R.U.S.H. tonight and mail the letter tomorrow morning. I went looking for a pencil and paper, once I found it I sat down trying to figure out what to actually say to her. I mean I've written back a few fans before but none of them sparked my interest in the way she did. Thoughts finally rushed through my mind and I knew what to say.


Dear C.R.U.S.H.,
Thank you for writing me. You didn't write much but your words really enlighted me. It is so appreciated. But as silly as this may sound, you truly sparked my interest. The mysterious vibe has me going, theres so much I want to ask you. Like for one, why do you address yourself as C.R.U.S.H.? Its different and cute, but I was curious as to why you refer to yourself as that---Is it because theres a real reason behind it or were you thinking like me, and just thought it was different and cute? And another thing...How do you look? Would you mind sending a picture of yourself? I apologize for asking so many questions...But you got my mind working girl, lol. I also apologize if I came off too strong or too forward. Hope to hear back from you.
Yours Truly,
Chris B.


Whew, finally done with the letter...I'm kind of nervous to send it though. But its okay, whats the worst that could happen? Ya kno, maybe we might not click or whatever but at least I can say I tried right? If we don't, I still hope she'll still continue to be a loving fan. I tried not to think so much---If I have heavy thoughts I can't sleep. So I laid the letter on the nightstand, turned off the lights....drifting quickly away to sleep.

The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed, real good for some reason- Like today was going to be a good day. I still felt some nervousness though. But I shook it off and hopped in the shower, doing my hygiene thing. Once I got out I slipped on my clothes cause I already laid out my outfit the night before so I didn't have to hassle trying to find something to wear and something that matched. After all that was done I ordered some room service, ate my breakfast and headed for the door. I put the letter in my inner packet of my jacket. Just as soon as I was about to open the door I met my momma on the other end.

"Hey mama." I greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Morning Chris baby." She said greeting me back in the same way.

"So whats going on?" I said wondering why she was about knock on my door at 8 in the morning.

"Nothing, I just wanted to know if you wanted to eat breakfast together." She told me.

"Ahh sorry ma, I already ate. We can do lunch." I said giving her my million watt smile.

"Okay Mr. Hollywood--Don't forget us little people now, ya hear." She said laughing. I laughed with her, my mother was goofy. Even at this time in the morning.

"Ha! I won't." I replied looking down on her, trying to be funny. She let out a laugh but then she cut me a look.

"Stay out of trouble little boy. I'll see you later." She kissed me on the cheek and walked off.

"Bye ma. I love you." I shouted down the hall. She stopped and looked back at me like I was crazy for yelling all ghetto. But she smiled back at me.

"I love you too. Now stop all that yelling boy-I ain't that old." She said.

"Uh Huh." I rolled my eyes giggling.

She just under-eyed me.

"I'm just playing mama." I said before she came back down the hall to whoop my ass.

"Better be little one. Yo ass ain't too old to get beat." She said with a smirk on her face. She turned around and continued to walk back to her room.

I shook my head laughing and walked off in the opposite direction. I went out the back way. Hopped in the truck and drove off to the nearest post office. Once I got there I drove around to the side where the postal boxes were outside, I dropped the letter in one and drove off. I had a free day, I thought about what should I do...While I was thinking, it was interupted. My cell rung and without looking I picked it up.

"Ello Governer." I said mimicking a british accicent.

"Haha. Chris you is slow, what are you doing goofy?" The person on the other end of the phone said.

"Nada. What you doing Cass?" I asked her.

"Sitting here bored." She sighed.

"At least I know why you be calling me." I said sarcasticly.

"Shut up, it ain't like that." She told me.

"Well...Where you at now?" I asked, I figured she wanted to kick it so since I'm already out...I'm like why not just pick her up.

"At Trey's place." She said. What she said threw me off guard, I laughed.

"Umm...If you're there why are you calling me?....I'm gon tell Trey you bored with him." I laughed out.

"Shut up Chrissy. He sleep anyway. I told him I was leaving, I was just waiting on my ride." She said.

"And you just knew I was comming huh?" I asked her. Cassie is a mess.

"Yes. Now come on Chris, come get me." She pleaded whining like a baby.

"Damn girl, I'm comming. Hold on." I told her.

"Thank you Chrissy." I heard her smiling through the phone, mainly cause she got her way.

"Stop calling me that." I hung up and turned around to go the other way so I could get to Trey's house quicker. Bout an hour or so later, I made it to the front. Cassie was already standing outside, she saw my car and ran over to it, hopping in the front seat.

"Hi Chris." She said in a happy mood hugging me.

"Um. Hi. You must be real happy to leave his house huh?" I just looked at her.

"Ummm." She smiled at me but didn't say anything else.....I wonder what the hell happened the night before.

I sped off, we were on the freeway, trying to think of a place to go. We ended up at the gym, we worked out until we both clasped. It was around noon when I dropped her back off. I ran fast back to my hotel room. My balls were starting to stick together. Not a good feeling. I got in that shower so fast, it wasn't funny. I marinated in the hot water for an hour or so, with much soap...Once I got out I felt zest fully clean. I left out to meet my moms for lunch. It went nicely.

Its been almost 2 weeks, close to a month since I wrote C.R.U.S.H. back but she hasn't written back to me. I wonder if I came off too strong?....I really hope I didn't because I really want to get to know her. Boy, why am I even tripping over this girl? The mystery is driving me crazy and the longer I wait, the more anxious I get.


Today was a pretty mellow day, I didn't do much but get on myspace. I was browsing through some of my fans pages and saw that they had other Chris Brown pages on their top list, It amazes me how many people want to be me, I wonder why do they do it. And it's not just with celebrities either, theres this one girl named Simone...I swear I have at least 10 girls on my friends list claiming to be her, if they don't say their name is Simone- They said its Jade. The whole "posing" thing makes my head spin. Its funny how people idolize the "beauty" of someone but never accept the content of their character; Always trying to get people to change, especially the media.

As I was still browsing through profiles, etc. I heard someone knock on the door. So I hopped up and answered it. It was Tina.

"Hey T." I said greeting her with a smile.

"Hey Chrissy." She replied, smiling back at me. I frowned....She knew I couldn't stand that nickname.

"Stop calling me that, gosh first Cassie now you. Ugh." I grumbled.

"Shut up boy." She laughed. "This just came in for you, more fan mail!" She said as she handed me the bags.

"Great." I said sarcasticly.

"Is someone tired of being 'Chris Brown' today?" Tina chuckled.

"Naw, it's not that." I replied.

"Then whats wrong Chris?" She asked concerned this time.

"I'm tired of posers." I said frustrated.

"Posers?" She asked. "Who's trying to be you?" She asked after she paused at first.

"People on myspace." I said still frustrated.

"You can't let that bring you down." She replied trying to calm me down and cheer me up.

"I know." I said with a slight smile.

"Goes to show how much your fans worship you, especially the girls." She laughed a little.

"But Tina, I don't want to be "worshiped"- I am not God." I bluntly said.

"I know Chris, but to most of these girls thats how they see you." She said and paused. "Maybe...If you stopped "Pelvic Thrusting" on stage maybe they wouldn't." She busted out laughing, I laughed too.

"Shut up, You know you like it too." I grinned.

"Whatever little boy. You too young and couldn't even catch up on my level." She smartly replied. "Get on my level...What? What?" I couldn't help but to laugh hard, Tina always trying to act young. Haha. It was a funny sight to see.

"Haha, Okay Tina." I just looked at her. She laughed once more and left.


Once she left, I smelt something---Something real familar, it was that sweet smell again. C.R.U.S.H. must've written me back. Bout damn time. I rambled through the letters and finally found it--Her letter! Once I got the letter, I threw the bag down and signed out of myspace, then sat on my bed............Why was I getting happy over a letter?


Chris,
Heey, Wow--I didn't expect you to write me back. It caught me offguard, I was in disbelief for a minute...So every so often I would just look at the letter. That's why it took me a bite longer to write back (Sorry). But no you didn't come off too strong. You were just curious, which is coo. Speak your mind, I always say. And your welcome hun, I give props where its due. And your reckinistion is way over due---You are so understated with your talent. They sleeping on you Chris, you need to wake them up! LOL. While I am writing this letter I'm also kind of in the middle of something else, so I have to cut this short. But since it feels like I know you and I can trust you. Here's my cell number 808-765-0912, just call me when or if you want to. OH, duh--lol! I forgot to tell you, my name is Destanie and I'm 19. So yeah, I'm legal, lol! Talk to you later (maybe, lol!).
Yours Truly,
C.R.U.S.H.

PS:> I call myself C.R.U.S.H. because that's what I simply have on you!
Oh and here's a picture of me like you requested. I hope you don't think I'm ugly or anything.


......WOW, this girl blew me away and she's beautiful! Plus she has a sense of humor, which is always a plus in my book. Man....She gave me her number! Should I call or no????????????????????? I paced around the room for awhile, and finally got nerve to call. My hands slightly shook as I dialed out.


[Listening to the phone ring from the dialer's end.]

I tapped my fingers on the lamp shade, trying to calm my nerves.

"Hello?".... I heard a sweet sounding voice speak through the phone after she yawned.

"Hello?".... I heard a sweet sounding voice speak through the phone after she yawned.

Once I heard her voice I got speechless. For once I was lost for words. She said hello two other times afterward.

"Um. Hello?....It's too early in the morning to be playing games." She spoke kind of irritated.

"Uh...Uhh..." Was all I uttered out.

"Uhhh...? Who is this?" She asked.

"Um. Is this Destanie?" I asked back.

"Yes it is. May I ask who are you?" She said while her voice changed, like she knew who it was but wasn't sure.

"T-This is um C-Chris." I replied slightly nervous.

"Chris who?" She asked me as if she was anxious for an answer.

"Brown." I said quickly.

She lowily squealed and it sounded like she jumped up from her bed. I got quiet.

"Chris, are you still there?" She questioned the silence on the other end of the phone.

"Yes, I am." I answered.

"Cool, so whats up?" She said calmly.

"Oh um nothing- just chillen. Did I wake you?" I said.

"Yes you did." She said with a little bit of an attitude.

"I'm sorry Destanie, Do you want me to call you back another day? Because when I called I wasn't thinking about the time difference." I said feeling bad I woke her.

She giggled. "Boy I was messing with you. I mean you did wake me but I'm not mad. You coo hun."

"You sure?" I sighed under my breath with relief that she wasn't mad.

"Yup, I'm sure Chrissy." She laughed. I grunted, not that damn nickname again. "Haha. I'm sorry, you mad hun?" She asked.

"No, I just don't like that nickname." I replied all serious.

"Oh, sorry." She said as she cleared her throat.

"You cool lil mama. What are you doing now?" I asked.

"Watching Roll Bounce. Too funny." She replied laughing.

"Haha. Bow can't act." I laughed.

"I'm gone tell him you said that." She laughed too.

"He ain't gone do nothing." I replied.

"You ain't right- Thought that was your best friend." She said.

"He is.." I said.

"Uh huh, okay." She said.

"Ma. I gotta ask, what made you write me?" I said curious.

"Because I'm a fan, duh." She laughed.

"Haha. I mean, um. Why you give me your number?" I asked.

"What? You didn't want it?" She replied kind of sad.

"No. No. I did, I um...I don't know. What I want to say ain't comming out right. So forget it." I said frustrated. I wasn't at her, I was because I was lost for words....what is she doing to me?

"Oh." Was all she said.

There an awkward silence on the phone between us for like 5 minutes.

"Destanie, I'm sorry- I just don't know what to say for some reason." I told her.

"You don't like me or something?" She asked.

"No! Thats the thing- I do, that's why I haven't found the right words to say yet." I explained to her.

"Just speak your mind Chris, Don't hold anything back." She told me.

"Hmm. Okay. For one you're beautiful. I like your personality, you seem so nice and so coo. I don't know- Its the mystery about you that makes me more interested." I started to speak fastly but I stopped and felt a rush of embarrassment.

"Aw. Thank you Chris." Destanie said. I felt her smiling through the phone, I started to smile too.

"You're welcome baby girl." I told her.

"Um. What are you doing?" She asked.

"Sitting here, talking to the most beautiful girl in the world." I replied being real coy.

"Aw. Stop, you're making me blush. You mean it?" She asked giggling.

"Yes. I do....Destanie?" I said.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Can I meet you?" I bluntly asked.

"Um. Wow. Woah. Chris Brown wants to meet me??" She asked herself out loud.

"Yea, I do. I want to see what you're all about." I told her.

"You sure?" She said.

"Yes. I am." I said sure of myself.

"Okay then. Wow, thank you." She said.

"You're welcome but why did you just thank me?" I asked.

"For giving me the time of day. It's not everyday a girls dreams can come true, I'm glad mines did." She replied.

"You welcome ma. And thank you for saying yes." I told her.

"Oh of course, I will always say yes to you." She paused. "Well I hate to cut this short but I have to go to sleep now, have to get up for work in like 4 more hours. But it was nice talking to you, thanks for calling me." She said.

"Oh you're welcome, no problem. My pleasure. Talk to you later, tonight?" I asked.

"Sure, Of course." She said.

"Coo...Talk to you later Destanie. Goodnight, well morning." I told her.

"You too. Ummm. Chris?" She said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I love you...Haha, I'm sorry. That may've been too much but I always wanted to tell you that." She giggled. I felt too special.

"I love you too ma. Thanks." I sincerely told her....Wait a minute, did I just say that? Dammnit!.

"Hehe. Thanks. Goodnight." She said.

"Night." She hung up before I did. I just looked at the phone. Wow.

I just smiled, I felt myself turning red. I looked at the clock, I can't believe I talked on the phone for a little over three hours with this girl. This has never happened before, I don't even talk to my momma on the phone this long. This girl was something special, I can't wait to explore everything about her.